MOTHERLESS CHILDMy mother used to abuse me,
Not the physical abuse to cause bruises on my skin
But the emotional abuse to bruise my heart and scar my mind.
Her words were wrapped around strong emotions
Like barbed wire on a bat
When she spat feeling out of hate and disdain
The invisible thorns tore away the flesh over my heart
Spewing out hatred as blood as the pain played games in my mind
Maybe the morning sun was different in the afternoon
Because surely my mother couldn’t love my brother any more than she loved me
And even through the physical pain he cause her, she loved every single ounce of him.
So, for many years, after that first slap of words,
The sting died away from my heart
Floated away and I in turn turned to the next bastard who smiled and gave me butterflies
But I wish you showed me affection and not affliction.
So, I found solace in IT.
That black or brown long machine with a head and a tail
And in it I found great pleasure
Residing with it, I found love
Addicted to it, I rocked with it.
Finally after that day,
I felt empty
Snapping my fingers and tapping my shoes, I resorted,
“there is no place like home, and there is not love like a mother’s.
But no one showed me the love so I gave it to them
Allowing them to add fuel to that burning fire
Ashes to ashes
Dust to dust
You died in my heart,
Outlined my name in your ash,
Hoping we will be close.
So I sit in my solace,
I find my addiction leading to confliction
And in my confusion, I am a motherless child.
Because she lost me at “you don’t love me”
And then she stopped paying attention.
Louisa Appiah
